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Free Flow Writing 28 March 2010

Where is my purpose? The importance in what I do? There are things I want to do, but I feel no more drive to do them, because it doesn’t seem important. I want to write, I want to write amazing stories that make people think, but for some reason the importance of doing so seems to have escaped me.

Sure I could write a great story, with great characters. A story that people can’t put down, they see the world through their eyes, they feel what they feel, they see the importance of the characters goals, and cheer them on, all the while seeing what is changing the character. They will cry with the characters, laugh with them, and truly feel almost as if they are them. This is a great story, something I want to write, but feel no drive to write.

I’ve identified what makes writing important, the need to explore themes. Stories drive our world, inspire us to do better, make us think about who we are, and if we are living the best we can. This is all important to the world, but in the end I can’t seem to make stories seem important any more. I know I could write a good story. But I can’t bring myself to put myself into it, my soul.

Why is this? Why am I not seeing that the stories I could write will be important to the readers? It makes me sad that the motivation, the love of the word I used to have when I was younger has fallen away. My action when I do not write, the stuff I do to waste time is far less important then writing, but I find myself constantly doing them. Playing video games, sleeping, drinking, wasting time on movies.

Why do I do these things more, rather then write more and put good words on paper that others can enjoy. I have been slowly writing my Soldier Qualification Serial and I enjoy it when I do that, but that isn’t something I have to create. It is just my adventures during my course. No real theme or action, just some good times to share with others.

I need to find my motivation, and the importance again to write. I love reading and have been doing so more frequently, just having finished Holly Lisle’s Talyn. I’ m now reading General Rick Hillier’s “A Sodier First”. His Auto Biography. These books are both great. Talyn is a fantasy, and yet inspires great things from its readers. ” A Soldier First” is full of great wisdoms from a great man that changed the face of Canadian Military History and made our army better and more respected then it ever has been in a long time.

These books started off as an idea within the authors mind. They both realized the importance of the written word, and they found the motivation to write their books, and their books have both had a great importance on their readers.

I need to find my motivation, sit down, and write.

So many friends,
Such a big family,
Never alone, surrounded
by people that care

Heart feels empty,
searching for more,
What ales my soul?
Why do I feel alone?

People to talk to,
caring friends who listen
Yet my heart yerns,
wanting something more

A soul is complicated,
mine no more so
What is it my heart?
Why are you so alone?

Day spent in company,
souls alike, adopted brothers
Yet my soul searches on,
my heart aches for better

I love my life, for blessed,
with the companionship,
with a bed, food, shelter,
a steady pay check

So what heart?
Tell me what is wrong
Why do we feel lonely?
I suffer not for comrades

Maybe it be another heart
a woman to hold in my arms.
Deep I know the time is wrong
for I leave this home for better ground.

Soon be it to our new home,
where our first love was born
Sadly forced apart, my heart,
and hers, our hands pried, detwined

Hold on heart, time is at hand,
when I will grant your desire
But even then, the search is dire,
for a quality she, is hard to find

This world is harsh, and so it be
that shes today, are untrusty souls
I know there are good women,
somewhere to be found.

These women hide from the wolves
Those that roam the land,
breaking the lamb’s heart
But I must find one, a good she

Heart of mine, up to the task?
Can you deal with the whores?
Those you must break before,
before your good she is found?

But even so, will this solve the empty?
Will a she be a cure for the lonely?
Only natural is this desire
Educated mind must beat the carnal

Think with the brain, not the urge
A woman good may be the answer
More will be needed before its over,
for loves beginning will eventually end

Then you may find yourself lonely again,
wondering if your good she is the best
The future must be thought out,
and then a plan layed at my feet

A lonely heart may be cured,
more then one need is certain
A good she is one, a solid life another
We have family my heart, pursue the others

I used to never really think about death much. When I was a Mormon, I had a plan all laid out for me. After I left the Mormon Religion, I thought about death a bit, then came up with what I think happens after death. But I’m not sure what happens, I’m not totally positive. I do know you don’t just poof don’t exist.

A human soul is physical, just like the body your in. What makes up our personality, our thoughts, our emotions, that stuff has been measured on instruments by scientists, it has been calculated and proven to exist in some form. A tangible form that we can touch maybe not so much, but enough so that we know there is a physical form of some sort.
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