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Free Flow Writing 28 March 2010

Where is my purpose? The importance in what I do? There are things I want to do, but I feel no more drive to do them, because it doesn’t seem important. I want to write, I want to write amazing stories that make people think, but for some reason the importance of doing so seems to have escaped me.

Sure I could write a great story, with great characters. A story that people can’t put down, they see the world through their eyes, they feel what they feel, they see the importance of the characters goals, and cheer them on, all the while seeing what is changing the character. They will cry with the characters, laugh with them, and truly feel almost as if they are them. This is a great story, something I want to write, but feel no drive to write.

I’ve identified what makes writing important, the need to explore themes. Stories drive our world, inspire us to do better, make us think about who we are, and if we are living the best we can. This is all important to the world, but in the end I can’t seem to make stories seem important any more. I know I could write a good story. But I can’t bring myself to put myself into it, my soul.

Why is this? Why am I not seeing that the stories I could write will be important to the readers? It makes me sad that the motivation, the love of the word I used to have when I was younger has fallen away. My action when I do not write, the stuff I do to waste time is far less important then writing, but I find myself constantly doing them. Playing video games, sleeping, drinking, wasting time on movies.

Why do I do these things more, rather then write more and put good words on paper that others can enjoy. I have been slowly writing my Soldier Qualification Serial and I enjoy it when I do that, but that isn’t something I have to create. It is just my adventures during my course. No real theme or action, just some good times to share with others.

I need to find my motivation, and the importance again to write. I love reading and have been doing so more frequently, just having finished Holly Lisle’s Talyn. I’ m now reading General Rick Hillier’s “A Sodier First”. His Auto Biography. These books are both great. Talyn is a fantasy, and yet inspires great things from its readers. ” A Soldier First” is full of great wisdoms from a great man that changed the face of Canadian Military History and made our army better and more respected then it ever has been in a long time.

These books started off as an idea within the authors mind. They both realized the importance of the written word, and they found the motivation to write their books, and their books have both had a great importance on their readers.

I need to find my motivation, sit down, and write.

This is a writing piece from a free flow writing session I had a little bit ago. It’s the first one I did when I was just starting to get back into writing. I found it and realized I forgot to post it on the site. I have organized it a bit so its easier for you to all read it. You may find it interesting, you may not. It helped me learn more about myself however, and that is the main purpose of it. This is more for me then for anybody else. But it’s here for people to read if they so feel inclined.

Also if you are afraid to learn things about me that might disrupt your perception of who I am, then don’t read this. My free flow writing sessions are basically putting myself on paper, and sometimes deeper, dark, secrets can end up on the page. If this is something you don’t want to know, don’t read. If your willing to read and accept who I am, then continue on.

Enjoy,

Cuyler Callahan

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Free Flow Writing Session November 17, 2009

Holy shit I haven’t written a story in almost two years . Actually if I think about it it has been two years. 2007 was when I wrote a story last. Even now as I write I can tell that my writing fingers have slowed down, I spell words wrong cause I am trying to type faster then my hands are used to. I used to be able to type so fast.

I also found my memory has gone to shit. I don’t know if it is the military that kinda turned my thinking into mush, or if it’s all the drinking, or maybe as you get older you just start to not be able to think properly. Sometimes I think I’m almost high feeling, its weird. Maybe the weed I did when I was in the city wrecked my mind, but I didn’t do enough of that stuff to effect my brain.

No what I think it is, is my brain has gone rusty. I haven’t thought about anything new really for a very long time. I don’t even like video games much anymore. My mom said that is a good thing, but video games kept me thinking . When I was back in writing up to about 2007 I used to play video games and write and read. That’s all I did. And at that time I was also working out, and reading up on working out. At this time I was very intelligent. I remembered things, I was on the ball I was working my brain at 100 kms an hour.

Now how am I? Even now i am trying to remember what I was trying to write about. Oh yes, now I don’t do anything special when it comes to thinking. Every weekend I try to go out and find a girl to fuck, but usually I don’t do it, mostly because of old moral habits which I’m glad for most of the time. I find myself out more looking for a good girl to date. Which is a good thing. But that’s what I do on the weekend I go out drink, and look for girls, and when I don’t have money, I stay in, watch movies, and try to work on my internet business.

I’m not going to say I don’t write, cause for my internet business I need to write good content for my website, but the content I write is quick and not as good quality as it should be. Good quality is what I used to write, now for my business it’s mostly content made to get out there and just get some clicks to my site. This isn’t what I need. I need good quality work, and post that on the internet cause if people are really interested in my articles cause of the quality, I’ll probably get more clicks as a result vs, if I write a shitty article and post it out there.

Good articles will get referenced too, people will point their friends to it to read it, people will book mark it, and share it with others. If it’s shitty people will probably not even read the whole thing and leave before they get to a link to click to. And they won’t share it, it’ll be seen by a few and forgotten. That’s why I need to write good quality work. So getting back into writing and writing good quality work is what will one day get me somewhere.

So this will benefit me greatly to start writing a lot again. I also need to start reading lots of more interesting information, I need to start getting back into writing stories, cause I haven’t actually worked on a story in a long time. I haven’t created a character and explored that character . I haven’t explored a world I created. I also haven’t read any books in a long time, which I should do.

So whats the plan? What is it that I need to do to start getting my brain flowing? What can I do to grease up the axles and erode the rust away, and get everything like chrome again? How can I get out of the daily grind of the military, without really getting out. Cause i like the military, but I need to get my mind out of it’s hold, I need to do what I need to do, but I can’t be like some machine, that just does what it’s operator tells it too. This is the problem I’m in, I’ve been in a rut, following the same wagon ruts that every other soldier in front of me has followed, and I’m going to the same place as them. It’s not a bad place, but I need to make some stops on the way, and change course a bit.

I think I might stay in the military a long time, but I need to get my brain flowing. I find my brain gets out of the trap the most when I’m on courses. Courses make me think, like in CETT when I had to do math. I really started to think, and the math I actually found it enjoyable. What the fuck? Math enjoyable? Where did that come from? No seriously all the way from elementary when I started math to when I quite highschool I hated math. I did with a passion. I only have grade11 math and it’s the low math. And it’s super easy. I took it cause I did not want to take the middle math, and I didn’t want to do grade 12 math.

Now that I think of it, grade 12 math was what I should have got, but I didn’t and it’s to late now. But the military will help me out and get me to pass my courses, but when I was doing the math I actually enjoyed it. And the reason is I could feel the cob webs falling apart, and the rust breaking with a boom and the axles starting to spin, then some grease got in there and they went faster and faster, and pretty soon I was rambling off math equations and the answers like a pro.

I passed my math test with a 95%. That is one question wrong out of 20. and that question was worded strangely, cause after they went over it I knew how to do that stuff easily. So you see I just need to start reading again. I need to start learning stuff’, and writing stuff, and just continuing on with that until my mind is a whirl wind of possibilities and I start writing pro stuff, and people start getting interested, and publishers get interested, and I get published and I just continue on like that.

Well I think my free flow writing session is come to an end, not even sure how I know that, I just feel like it should come to an end. Well I think this helped out a lot. Goodbye.

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Well that is the end of that free flow session.

I hope you enjoy it, and I apologize if you learned things about me you did not want to learn. But that is a free flow session, putting myself onto the paper. You learned about some of the deeper parts of me. Things that are hidden to many people but those I really feel comfortable sharing with.

Cheers,

Cuyler

I want to be in the fantasy land again. Imagine myself walking through magical forests, or exploring dangerous caverns. Meet deceiving natural devices.

Why do I have such a hard time finding myself back in that world. I try to think of something to write about it. Sense when did I not have the mind to explore the fantasy world like I used to. I have a book with 60,000 words in it. It is only on the 3rd chapter. This world is deep and filled with culture.

This world has different cultures in it. Men of the mountain, men who rarely come down out of the mountains. They hate the lowlanders. The mountain men are not very smart in the ways of the lowlanders. They don’t have big cities, and tend to just farm, hunt, gather, reproduce, and follow very basic instincts.

The men of the low lands have grand armies, great cities, they are also in tune with nature, but they don’t just do the basics to survive, they have doctors, religion, artists, and other aspects of a more advanced society.

This world also has another race that is at war with the lowlanders. There is also a common enemy to all men of the land, which in the book, the people come together to destroy.

This book as some magic, but not much, I don’t like my characters relying on things that make it easy for them to accomplish their tasks. I have love, hate, and good times. I have bad times, and death. I have pain and suffering. I have tough choices.

My characters each have their own problems which advance the story forward. I don’t have any really special creatures. But the story is based in a world that is not ours, and the people of this world are different in ways from ours.

The people of the lowlands can communicate with the plants, and they can draw energy from the plants. Most buildings are built with what they call live wood. They plant trees which grow to form the shelter of the family. The owners of the house talk with the trees and ask them to do this for them.

So as you see, I have a thriving world. I have created a world where a story is possible. And I have 60,000 words and the time it took to write them invested into this book so far. Those words were some of the most enjoyable times I experienced. I lived in the world. I saw as my characters saw. When my characters cried, I shed a tear.

I learned that I as the author can’t have full control of my characters. If their personality and traits calls them to take certain paths when there is an action that needs to be decided, I need to go down the path that is correct for the characters personality.

This can lead to changes in the storyline, but not in the story. It just makes things run differently sometimes. It leads me to stray from the storyline. This isn’t bad as long as I get back on track.

Now what I’m trying to say here is that I had it in me at one time to write a great story. Now it has been almost two years since I have done any real writing. I need to find it in me to do it again. What story will I write.

Will I write a fantasy, a science fiction, or will my story be based in this world. I find that some great inspiration for writing fantasy comes from some fantasy metal music videos I’ve been watching an youtube. They get me motivated, they give me some ideas.

I see a band playing their instruments in a forest, and they show some dark scenes in the forest, then some nice beautiful scenes. The reason why this inspires me is because my most favorite thing to write about in a fantasy book is about the forests.

Anyways, I need to find my motivation to write some fantasy stories. I think these free flow writing sessions really are helping me out, and I’m feeling more and more like I’ll get to it and put the pen to paper so to speak.