Free Flow Writing November 20, 2009

If I had to write any story of my choice I don't even know what it would be about. There used to be a time when I loved writing fantasy stories. They thrilled me. The idea of creating a world and writing a story in it made me feel great. I loved the mythical creatures, I loved the mythical lands, the cultures, the languages that all became part of the story.

But today I look at some stories out there that have been written and have made it to movies, and have had great success in gathering popularity that I don't know what I would write that could possibly match it. Some authors out there give council that I should write what I want to write, that I should write a story I would want to read, and that would be about me in a way. Every story an author writes has some of themselves in it.

But then I think, if I wanted to write a story about what I would want to read, and feel it with what I would want to experience in my mind, what would it be. I used to write fantasy stories that were for me. I didn't write stories for other people, I wrote stories for myself. Today though I don't even know what I really want to read. The problem is that there are so many authors out there today that write stories that I want to read.

So the question is asked: If I am suppose to write a story that I want to write, then the stories that other authors have written that I love and work at satisfying my mind, did they want to write those for themselves? Or did they write those for the masses?

Some authors out there have said that they wrote stories for other people. They thought of ideas that would inspire people to want to read their works. But I ask the question: If I am writing a story for other people, would I enjoy the process? If I'm writing a story that really doesn't fulfill me, would the story be a good story?I think that in order to write a good story you need to have the want to write it. The story has to be something that you want to write. Something that will fill a whole in your soul, and create the emotion that you need. But at the same time, you need to write it with professionalism, and instill the values that will attract the other readers out there.

If you want to write a story for yourself, and not for anybody else, the act of writing the story itself is all that you need to do. You lived the world, and you put it on paper. You don't need to go back and make sure the plots are flowing correctly, you don't need to check for spelling mistakes, and character errors. If in one scene Jacob had a wound, then 2 hours later he doesn't; that doesn't matter.

Because you as an author didn't pick that up the first time, your not going to know about it when your done writing. The initial writing process is done. The stories on paper, you lived it. Now it's finished. You fulfilled your need to write the story.

Now if you are writing for the audience, that's when you need to go back and fix plot holes and errors, when you need to make sure the characters are strong, and the problems are really as deep and read as importantly to the reader as you thought they were when you first wrote them.

That's what writing for the audience means. It means you take a story that you wrote and believed was important, and you edit the story, and make the changes necessary so the audience believes as you did. You already got your story on paper, you got the important part out, now you are preparing it so somebody who doesn't know you, will know your story means something. It will seem as important to them as it did to you.

So now that this concept is out of the way, what do I want to write. The biggest problem for an author is writers block. I don't know what I want to write. I used to look at a good story and want to write a story as good as it. But that was when I was younger. Now I'm older. Now I don't know what I want to write about.

I have so many notions in my head I believe would make a good story, but they aren't really ideas, they are more emotions, and theories on life. In a way I guess I could say it would be nice to write a book on my mind. Whats in my mind?

What is in my mind? I don't think there are any stories at the moment really trying to break through the grey matter in my mind. I don't have a story nagging at me saying "put me on paper NOW!". No I have some thoughts, theories, philosophical questions, and some really deep things trying to seep through my mind like oil.

So is that what I should write about? Should I write a book about whats in my mind? How would I organize this though? How would I put it on paper? In general what could I classify this book as? What genre would it be in? What would each chapter be about? What would I call? Why would anybody want to read it?

My mind is rusty. I can talk to friends about whats in my mind, but I constantly think that my mind has slowed to the state of molasses. I think often that my mind is slow. I follow the daily thrum of the military. Show up for roll call, go and do my daily PT sessions, shower, shave, sleep, shave, brush my teeth, get dressed, make my bed, show up for roll call, go for a run, stand around, go for lunch, chill in my room, listen to music, show up at the gym, do roll call, do more PT, head back to regimental, have roll call, go back to my room, spend the evening staring at facebook and other various meaningless tasks. The process repeats itself, though throw some inspections in there just to make things a little more interesting.

That's me, my mind has fallen to that schedule, is stuck in that rut. I'm just like every other soldier, we mindless follow the route the ranks above us did. One day we'll retire, get our pension, and wonder how we are going to survive without the daily routine.

So this does not lend itself as very valuable to my mind freeing itself for the writing cause. I could write about some interesting stories that I have had in the military.... but who out there seriously would want to read about my training stories. Ya I shoot machine guns, throw grenades, live in trenches, stay up for 4 days straight, hallucinate and dream while working because of sleep deprivation, I do weird things when I'm sleep deprived, I have quarter sticks of dynamite thrown at me, I learn how to survive bomb blasts, and look out for Improvised Explosion Devices. I have lots of training going into me, and more to come, and it all seems very interesting and something worth talking about... but really is it.

Is my life as a soldier so different, so exciting that I Private Cuyler Donn Callahan could actually write a story about my life as a soldier in the Canadian Forces? I doubt it. I'm just the one of millions that has done all the same. Maybe throw me into battle and give me some real good stories and I could turn it into something. But not now.

I need to write a story. I just haven't figured it out yet. I still am figuring out that once again I like writing, and writing anything, even these pages of thoughts is going to help me get back into the motion of writing.