Free Flow Writing Session December 03, 2009

I feel like shit isn't happening the way I envisioned it sometimes. Since being in the military I see different opportunities and once again I'm trying to decide which way I want to go? I'm currently just starting my Vehicle Technician QL 3 course. I want to get this training under me. I think it is a very good education to have.But I'm really worried I will not pass this course. I look at how hard I have to study to pass, and it is incredibly hard. Lots of people have failed off the other courses. Now I know I have the smarts to pass, and nobody has ever called me lazy before. So I know that if I buckle down, I can pass this course.But what direction do I really want to take? Do I really want to be a vehicle technician? I look at the lifestyle I have now, I sometimes feel like I've gone backwards in life.Now I have made improvements, and I'm slowly getting back to my old self. I quit smoking, so I'm not doing that anymore. I don't mind drinking, but I have slowed down so I'm not wasting money on it so much, and so I can think better. I still get drunk occasionally. Of course on my holidays I plan to get pretty smashed with my boys on Christmas holidays.But really, I have improved there. But I'm overweight again. I used to be in good shape. I used to run all the time, lift weights, and watch my food. What has caused me to go back to my original 270 lbs? Well basically I just run and eat lots. I still run, when the military takes us for runs. I still keep the cardio in, but it's not enough. I need to lift the weights, I need to watch out how much I eat.Now right now with the amount of time I have for myself, I am only going to be able to watch what I eat. I need to get a handle on this part. Because I don't know what they are feeding me in there every day, I can't really set up a schedule to eat only certain food every day.What I do know is they have an abundant supply of raw vegetables and fruits. I know they have a meat every meal, though sometimes quite greasy. I know they have water, and milk. I also know they have whole wheat breads. Multi grain. Rye. They have good bread.So what should I stick to? What should I eat from what I mentioned? Well I should grab the most fat free meat they have at each meal, or another animal by product if the food is really fatty. So for breakfast I shouldn't eat the bacon or sausage. I should grab hard boiled eggs and eat only the egg whites.I should then only grab water for my drinks. If I'm working out with weights then milk is good, but if all I'm doing is running and eating well, then I should avoid drinking lots of milk. Water is better. I should grab fresh fruits during breakfast to get the energy into me. And a whole grain bread source.During lunch and supper I should grab the raw vegetables instead. During lunch some bread is good as well if I want to mix it with the veggies to make a sandwich.All my food should fit on one plate nicely. Not stacked up, but nicely. This is another thing. I eat one plate of food at every meal, but it's usually heaping, and full of fried foods. Now I need to also get it through my head it's a lifestyle I'm doing here. If I always eat healthy, the fat on my body will slowly disappear and eventually I'll be back to my old weight of 230 lbs or so.Once I get the time, I need to also hit the weights. Now what I need to figure out next is what do I want to do for academics? I know the course I'm taking is extremely tough, and it's long. Do I really want to be a mechanic? Where do my true passions lye?I love writing, I love reading. I want to get back into body building. If I got back into working out, and getting shape, I could once again start working on my personal training course. Though I need to get in shape first.This is where I look at what would be the best trade. If all I want to do is get into great shape, maybe infantry is the way to go. But I also don't feel like spending days and days in the field. I know I will already spend lots in the field as a vehicle tech. But infantry spend almost all their time in the field. It is only when they are not working and on their own time they aren't in the field.Any combat trade would get me into amazing shape, but most of their time is spent in the field. I think vehicle tech is a good trade. The truth is as well that these 6 months of hard studying and training is probably the hardest part of becoming a vehicle tech. Once I get to my unit then I just work and learn in the shop, and eventually I'll be qualified and working normal hours, and getting my time off in the evening.The reading is just crazy hard on this course. They expect us to read chapters of technical jumble and then remember it for an exam the next day. It is insane. The fail rate for this course is ridiculous. I just need to buckle down and get it done.What I need to focus on is eating more healthy food, and not so much. Moderation. Keep up the running, and study hard.My passions may be writing, but the army is what brings me in the pay checks right at the moment.